Ummmm-That's all ME!!!

“Wait a minute, Mommy; I’ve got to get my damn shoes out of my closet”. Doh. Oops. That’s all me. I can’t even deny that she heard that from someone else. I used-to relish the art of profanity, even tried to string as many all offensive words together to achieve vulgar perfection. I can’t do that anymore because “mini me” will not only hear, and copy, but will use the words appropriately, usually in front of someone, or worse yet, at school. While I marvel at how she seamlessly inserts them into conversation, I also know that good parents everywhere would disapprove. It’s like yelling at your child in front of Kindergarten. We all do it, but we pretend not to when grouped together in the land of Mommyville. We try to blend in and not call attention to ourselves for fear of being judged. It’s the exact behavior I’m trying to avoid in raising my own children. Be an individual! Stand apart from the crowd! Who cares what other people think?! Oh yeah, I do.

I’ve resorted to proper name cursing –“Oh, for Pete’s sake”! (even though we don’t know a Pete), or “Geeze Louise”, again, no one even close to that name. She also repeats these, with funny results, and she sounds like something out of the movie Pleasantville. I know that she will get picked on for this in a few years, but it sure beats hearing a little girl say, “Get your ass over hear and pick up all this damn shit off the floor” (ok, so I’d be more likely to say that, but you get the idea). A friend of mine started to swear with food after her son was born, but isn’t saying “Ah, cheese doodles” just the same as using the naughty word? And wouldn’t it be better just to say what you mean and get it over with? Before I was a parent, this type of thing really got on my nerves, but now I rehearse and sensor every word that comes out of my mouth. CBS should hire me at this point because it’s become so routine.

So while I’d like to think that I’m still that same old me, in track pants with a non-descript Mommy haircut, I’m really not. I’m the proper speaking, non-offensive lady who has perfected the dreaded “Oooh, you’re gonna get it stare” standing outside of school talking to all the other parents who sit around and think about this crap. Ah, crimminy, I guess I can’t say that word either.